Slayers in College
by Seigi no Hoshi
Summary: What happens when the Slayers take various college classes? They now have to take on the horrors of Art History.
1. Slayers in Philosophy

The Slayers in Philosophy  
  
Written by: Seigi no Hoshi  
  
Author's notes: Slayers still does not belong to me. It never will belong to me, no matter what I want. ::sighs:: As a recent philosophy escapee who is planning on a major in chemistry, I saw no point to the class and want to make fun of it. (Stupid, stupid required classes. What chem major needs to know anything about philosophy? Everyone we really studied has been dead for 200+ years.) Ah yes, and I know that Rezo is dead, but I brought him back for the story, as he seemed to me to be the best choice for a professor from the Slayers crew. Reviews are welcome, but keep in mind that flames will be defenestrated, and the flamer will be hunted down, given a Justice speech and then Ra Tilted. Rated G.  
  
Lina sighed and looked at her watch. Philosophy was to begin in about 5 minutes. She really did not want to be in that class at all. She was hungry, too, which made her very unhappy. "Gourry, do you have any food with you?" she asked her closest friend.  
  
"No. But I wish I did. I need to eat!" he replied. "Oh yeah. Uhhh, Lina, why are we here?"  
  
"To learn about philosophy, though I know I don't want to."  
  
"What's philosophy?"  
  
Gourry asked that question as Dr. Rezo entered the room. "Very good, young man. That was going to be my first question to the class."  
  
Dr. Rezo went to the board and wrote PHILOSOPHY on it. He then turned to the class and asked if anyone knew what philosophy meant.  
  
"Something incredibly boring!" Lina blurted out.  
  
"No. But as I need to learn names, I'd like you to tell me yours."  
  
"Lina. Lina Inverse."  
  
"And the young man that asked the question for me? What's your name?"  
  
Silence. No one said a word until Lina poked at Gourry.  
  
"Ummm... Gourry Gabriev," Gourry replied.  
  
"Okay. So, who else wants to try to answer my question?"  
  
Silence. Filia sipped at tea. Disgustedly, she looked across the room at that namagomi, Xellos. Suddenly, Xellos spoke. "Philosophy is the study of... sore wa himitsu desu!"  
  
"No. But since you were kind enough to speak, what is your name?"  
  
Xellos winced. He hated being considered kind. "Xellos Metallium."   
  
"Anyone else?"  
  
Silence. Dr. Rezo then said, "Ah, Zelgadis, why don't you answer?"  
  
Zelgadis frowned and said quite plainly and quietly, "Philosophy is the love of knowledge."  
  
"Correct. Now, I want you to each tell me the name of a philosopher. Who hasn't spoken? I want you to go first and tell me your name after you answer."  
  
"Plato, and I am Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune."  
  
"Good, good. Who's next?"  
  
Filia sipped at her tea, sighed, then responded, "Socrates. And I am Filia ul Copt."  
  
"Good. Anyone else who is yet to speak?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Zelgadis, name a philosopher."  
  
"Descartes," Zelgadis responded, though he wished someone had put Descartes before the horse.  
  
"Yes, yes. Xellos?"  
  
"I know who the most important philosopher is. The most famous philosopher is... sore wa... himitsu desu!"  
  
"Not good. Lina Inverse, it is your turn."  
  
"I don't know any philosophers. Sorry."  
  
Dr. Rezo sighed. "Gourry? Do you know of any famous philosophers?"  
  
"Uhhh... Can't..."  
  
"Good, good. Your pronunciation is a bit off, but Kant was a very important philosopher."  
  
A bell rang out, signaling the end of class.  
  
"Class dismissed!" Dr. Rezo called out.   
  
The Slayers were all sitting and talking before the next philosophy class. None of them were particularly fond of the class and wanted to be doing other things. Dr. Rezo walked into the room and wrote two words on the board: VIRTUE and JUSTICE.  
  
Gourry poked at Lina and asked her, "What are virtue and justice?"  
  
"How should I know? Why don't you ask Amelia or Dr. Rezo?"  
  
"Gourry, Gourry, how do you always know what I am going to ask and then ask it for me?" Dr. Rezo asked.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Hmmm, well since Lina suggested asking Amelia, I will do just that."  
  
Amelia turned pale. Sure, she was famous for her Justice speeches, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to define Justice and Virtue right here and now.  
  
Amelia sighed and started to speak. "Virtue is anything that is right and good. Justice is praising and depending on the circumstances even rewarding the good and punishing the bad in an appropriate manner. Justice is a virtue, though one cannot define virtue by traits that are virtuous."  
  
"Not too bad of definitions of those terms. Certainly good for someone who is yet to tke philosophy. Xellos can you explain what Amelia meant when she said 'Justic is a virtue, though one cannot define virtue by traits that are virtuous?'"  
  
"Yes, I can. But I won't. Sore wa himitsu desu!"  
  
Filia shot Xellos a look of death. She also mouthed to him, "Namagomi, I have my mace, and I'm not afraid to use it.  
  
"Zelgadis, perchance you can explain what Amelia is saying."  
  
Zelgadis sighed. "She means that one cannot define something just by listing examples."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Filia, can you help Zelgadis?"  
  
Filia took a swallow of tea. "Because things are more than just the examples. Examples don't define what something is."  
  
"Not bad."  
  
Dr. Rezo lectured the rest of the class. He talked about Socrates and Plato. He talked about how Socrates believed that no one could define virtue and that Plato felt the same way about justice (much to the dismay of Amelia).  
  
Classes tended to continue like that. Lina always had a bad attitude, Xellos would begin to say something deep, then say "sore wa himitsu desu", Zelgadis was picked on by Dr. Rezo, Filia was quiet unless called on, when she would answer as quickly as possible, Amelia didn't always agree with the philosophers and wasn't afraid to say so, and Gourry somehow managed to stumble into right answers and was able to ask good questions. As for the papers, Gourry did the best on getting what the philosophers had meant, but Amelia was best on original thought. Everyone else wrote about as well as they had done in class.  
  
The final grades came in for the class, along with comments.  
  
Gabriev, Gourry: A. Inquisitive, always asking questions like a good philosopher should.  
  
Greywords, Zelgadis: D+. My grandson should have been the best student in the class. Yes, this is reverse nepotism, but I don't care at all. You didn't do your best, so this is the grade you get.  
  
Inverse, Lina: D. Very bad attitude and very unwilling to learn.  
  
Metallium, Xellos: F. Why? Sore wa himitsu desu!  
  
Saillune, Amelia Wil Tesla: B. Good argumentative skills, but needs a touch more questioning of own beliefs.  
  
ul Copt, Filia: C. Not too bad, but nothing extraordinary. 


	2. Slayers in Chemistry Lab

The Slayers in Chemistry Lab

Written by: Inverted Snowglobe

Author's notes: Slayers is not mine. I am making no money off of this story. I wrote it for my own amusement. The lab used for this story is an actual lab. It was the first real chemistry lab that I had to do in college. There is a major difference in the lab that I did though... we weren't allowed to have partners. (If you can't tell from the story, that lab was miserable. And it was on a Friday afternoon.) Oh yes, and the safety video referred to does exist, and it was made in the early to mid 80's. 

"Tell me again why we have to have a four hour lab," Gourry whined to Lina, "I'll go hungry before it is over."

"To help us learn about chemistry. And don't worry. I'll be hungry too," Lina sighed.

Zelgadis thought to himself _This might not be so bad. Labs can be interesting, just as long as everyone in the lab is sane. Uh-oh, not everyone in the lab is sane..._

Amelia, Zelgadis, Gourry, Lina, and Filia all walked to lab together. Xellos teleported there moments before it was to begin. They entered the classroom where they would get instructions on general lab safety. They would also get some background and tips on the lab that they would be doing that day.

Sylphiel, the TA, began the lab by introducing herself and randomly putting everyone with a lab partner. By chance, Amelia and Zelgadis were working together, as were Lina and Gourry and Xellos and Filia. Everyone was happy about this arrangement except for Filia and Xellos. They did **not** want to work together. Filia protested, but Sylphiel did not care. The groups were set, and it would not be fair to change them at this point. Also, no one was willing to work with Xellos.

This week, they were going to be transforming copper. They would take it through several steps and end up with copper. There was a lot of special safety, especially since NO, a toxic gas, would be produced. Bunsen burners would also be used, so Filia, Lina, and Gourry were given rubber bands to tie their hair back.

Finally, everyone headed out to the lab room. Filia and Xellos started off at lab tables as far apart as possible. This greatly upset Sylphiel. She told them that if they did not work together, she would automatically fail them and send them to the dean of the university. The dean was known for strange punishments, and it was likely that they would be forced to do a total of eighty hours of community service together --- at least.

This bad start to lab made Sylphiel nervous. It was her first semester as a TA, and she wanted things to go as smoothly as possible. She glanced around the room to see what was going on with the other groups. Zelgadis and Amelia were working quite well together. They had measured out their copper, and added the concentrated nitric acid, well in the back of the fume hood, just like they were instructed.

Meanwhile, Gourry and Lina were still doing okay. They had massed out their copper and had added the nitric acid, although Lina almost forgot to do that step under fume hood. Sylphiel was not happy about this, as she was frightened that someone could have died. She told Lina and Gourry to be much more careful in the future.

Zelgadis and Amelia then carefully added some distilled water before adding in the 6 molar sodium hydroxide. As they were adding the strong base, they also stirred. They continued until a precipitate formed. They then added even more distilled water before heating the solution over a carefully lit Bunsen burner.

Gourry and Lina were doing about as well as Zelgadis and Amelia were... until they had to light the Bunsen burner. Lina did not want to use the matches that were provided, deeming them boring. She started to make a fireball before Sylphiel stopped her.

"**ARE YOU NUTS? DO YOU WANT TO KILL US ALL OFF?**" Sylphiel shouted at Lina.

"No..." Lina replied cautiously, before beginning another spell. "Flare-" 

"Lina-san! No! Use the matches!" a stressed out Sylphiel commanded.

"But they are so boring."

"I don't care that they are boring. You are not going to blow up this lab."

"Fine, fine, I'll use the matches," Lina grumbled unhappily.

At this point, Filia and Xellos had accomplished nothing. They hadn't even massed out the copper. Neither one trusted the other to do it properly. Instead, they had spent the lab period shouting a wide variety of insults at each other. This had led to some problems, as Filia's tail had popped out and knocked over a bottle of concentrated nitric acid. Xellos somehow managed to catch the bottle before it fell. He used this to call Filia a klutz. She pulled out her mace in an attempt to smack him with it, but he teleported to the other side of the room. Sylphiel tried to threaten them. Filia looked grumpy the whole time that Sylphiel lectured them on working together, and Xellos just smiled. After Sylphiel left to check on the other groups, they went back to insulting each other.

Amelia and Zelgadis smiled as the solution turned black. They had had to add a little more sodium hydroxide, but that hadn't been a huge problem. They then let their beaker cool, then decanted. They then added more distilled water and decanted once again. To dissolve the solid, they added 3 Molar hydrogen sulfate. They then added Zinc until the solution turned clear, washed the copper product three times, heated to dry it, and finally massed it. They had had good results, ending up with almost as much copper as they had started with. Sylphiel was pleased with their results, and bid them farewell for the week.

Filia finally took it upon herself to begin the lab. By this point, the lab was nearly three-quarters over, and she did not want to be stuck in the same room with that namagomi mazoku any longer than she had to. She worked, trying to ignore the taunts that Xellos was throwing at her. She thought to herself _I'll deal with that namagomi later. And when I do, he will be sorry he ever messed with me._

After the issue with the Bunsen burner, Lina and Gourry were doing okay... until Gourry insisted on doing a step. He almost added acid to the solution when base was supposed to be added. Fortunately, he had asked Lina first, and she had stopped him before he would have made that fatal error. After doing so, she smacked him on the head and told him that he had jellyfish instead of brains. Her smacking his head caused him to drop the bottle of sodium hydroxide he had been holding. It fell to the floor and shattered, causing base to spread out all over the floor. Everyone in the room got up off the floor while Sylphiel cleaned up the mess, after making sure everyone was okay. Somehow, no one was cut nor had base splash on them. She was not happy with Gourry and Lina. She told them that they would have to come in during the week and watch the safety video again. Lina and Gourry looked at each other in a state of pure horror. Not that safety video again! It had to be at least fifteen years old, not to mention that it was one of the cheesiest things ever created. But punishment was punishment, and there was no getting out of it. They sullenly completed the lab, then left in a bad mood.

Filia continued along with the lab. She left the bench to get the needed sodium hydroxide. While she left, Xellos added more nitric acid to the solution instead of distilled water. When Filia returned, she asked him if he had added the distilled water like he was supposed to.

Xellos smiled especially big, wiggled his finger, and said, "Sore wa himitsu desu!"

Filia almost went into a rage. Instead, she went to Sylphiel to complain. Sylphiel asked Xellos the same question, and told him that if he didn't answer the question, he would be in huge trouble.

"I added the water," Xellos muttered, adding "not" very quietly after Filia went on with the lab. 

Filia added the sodium hydroxide, thinking that everything was okay. As she added the base, the beaker became incredibly hot, and she got a nasty burn. Fortunately, she was able to heal it without too much trouble. The contents in the beaker also began to bubble violently.

"Xellos," Sylphiel somehow managed to ask calmly, "You added nitric acid instead of distilled water, didn't you?"

Xellos whimpered and finally told the truth. Sylphiel decided that the best thing to do would be to stop the lab. She would give Xellos a zero, and she told Filia to write a report based on what was supposed to happen. Filia did lose all but one of the safety points, but that was fair... she had fought with Xellos for almost the whole lab.

Lina and Gourry did watch the video again. They paid close attention this time, since they were given a quiz on it after it was over. Although they hated it, they did feel like they deserved it.

The next week, everyone went to lab as they were supposed to. They did have a surprise waiting for them, though. Sylphiel was no longer the TA, Dr. Rezo was. Dr. Rezo informed the class that Sylphiel had decided to go to cooking school instead. Dr. Rezo decided to keep the groups that had been formed to keep things as stable as possible. He told his students that any horseplay during the lab would be severely punished. He told them that if they wanted to know what the punishment was to just look at Zelgadis. He told Zelgadis that he would have a special type of punishment if he misbehaved. The class (except Xellos) looked at each other with a look of pure horror in their eyes.


	3. Slayers in Chemical Seminar

Slayers in Chemical Seminar

Written by: Seigi no Hoshi

Author's notes: As a junior pursuing a Bachelor of Science in chemistry, I am forced to attend Chemical Seminar (basically, people from other colleges come in and talk about their research) for four semesters and no credit. Most of the lectures are far above my head. (And all the other undergrad's heads, too.) Anyway, this is just a chance to poke fun at the class. And I am making no money off this fic, nor do I own Slayers. Don't bother suing unless you want one of my organic chemistry books. (And trust me, you don't. The one I would give you can't explain anything worth beans. But I digress.)

Rated G though there is one gloomy and slightly annoyed chimera. No profanity or perversion, I don't like them.

"I don't want to go listen to some weirdo talk about something over my head!" Gourry complained to Lina.

"None of us want to go," Lina replied.

But they had no choice, as attendance was mandatory.

When they got there, Amelia and Zelgadis sat in the middle. Xellos sat up front in hopes he could annoy the speaker. Lina, Gourry, and Filia all sat in the back row. Lina and Gourry each brought a stash of food with them, and Filia brought tea. Sylphiel decided to come to the lecture so that she could make sure her friends were doing well. While she enjoyed cooking school, she missed some aspects of the regular college. Besides, she was so good at cooking that her work wasn't that difficult. It was also enjoyable, as she was learning lots of new recipes and techniques. She figured she could cook her friends a meal after the lecture. Sylphiel sat with Zelgadis and Amelia, as she felt like she would get more out of the lecture sitting near them.

Dr. Rezo began the lecture by introducing the speaker. This week, Eris would be talking. She was going to discuss the importance of maintaining chemical balances while growing chimeras.

Eris talked on and on for about fifty minutes. She covered a wide variety of topics, including the importance of the pH of the growing solution to the temperature. She also talked about how much light should be given to the chimera and what nutrients it should be given. She also mentioned that it was possible, but very difficult, to make chimeras in an instant. She even noted that Dr. Rezo was the one person that had actually succeeded in doing so. She looked directly at Zelgadis when she said this.

While Eris droned on, Xellos made a wide variety of faces at Eris, until Dr. Rezo gave him a "look." Xellos figured it wouldn't be a good idea to test Dr. Rezo's wrath, at least not when it came to Eris. He knew Dr. Rezo had to be pretty powerful if he could sense those faces. Amelia and Zelgadis tried to pay attention, although Amelia thought that making chimeras was unjust. They were hoping Eris would say something about curing chimeras, but that didn't happen. From the back row, Lina and Gourry ate. Filia drank her tea. Lina and Gourry started to write notes back and forth. Filia plotted ways to annoy Xellos.

When it was time for questions, Zelgadis immediately asked about curing chimeraness. But that was not part of Eris's research, so she could not answer the question. This annoyed Zelgadis so much that he began a Rah Tilt. Amelia stopped him, though, knowing that it wouldn't hurt Eris and that he would get in big trouble.

"I can't help it! I feel like everyone out there is out to annoy me about my condition!" Zelgadis shouted.

"Oh, come on Zelgadis-san. Lots of people like you how you are. You shouldn't be so glum about it. It isn't good for you to be so hard on yourself," Amelia replied.

The lecture was ended and everyone left. Xellos wandered off to do whatever it was he did in his spare time. Everyone else went back to the apartment where Sylphiel lived. She cooked them a nice dinner. For once, Lina and Gourry showed manners while eating. They also did not expect Sylphiel to keep their plates full. They figured that they could get more food later.

At first, Sylphiel wanted to talk about the lecture. However, Zelgadis was so sore about the whole thing that the topic was quickly dropped. She didn't want her apartment destroyed.

The group left Sylphiel's apartment after some cleaning up had been done. Filia went back to her room to make some new tea blends. Lina and Gourry went to check out a new restaurant that supposedly had the world's longest buffet. Xellos was still no where to be found, and no one was interested in finding him. It was then that Zelgadis confided in Amelia that he believed that Rezo was still out to get him.

Amelia could only nod. She knew that nothing she could say would comfort the gloomy chimera.


	4. Slayers in Art History

Slayers in Art History

Written by: Seigi no Hoshi

Rated PG for Xellos' memories of doing not-nice Mazoku things

Author's notes: Yet another chapter of Slayers in College. Here, the Slayers take on a class of art history taught by Eris. And I don't own Slayers, so don't bother trying to sue. Read and review, but if you flame me, I will laugh. And then you will get a Justice Speech (TM). And what little information about art history that is in here comes from a semester of attempting to pay attention in class.

Lina grumbled. She hated going to classes. And now she had to sit through art history. There was no way that that class could be interesting.

Lina and her friends filed into the classroom. This time, Dr. Eris was the professor. Zelgadis grumbled to Amelia, "Why does one of them always have to teach? Is it only because they want to torture me?"

"I don't know, Zelgadis-san. But it certainly isn't very nice, though," Amelia replied.

Throughout the class, everyone but Xellos was bored stiff. Dr. Eris was not the most dynamic professor, and no one really cared that much about the art.

Lina asked a lot of questions. However, the only thing she ever wanted to know was how much money she could get for the art. Dr. Eris quickly got annoyed with her. However, Lina being Lina did not care one bit. She was interested in money and nothing but money. And food.

Gourry wondered about things during the lectures. He wondered how all the pictures could fit into the two small black boxes. It just didn't make sense. He also wondered how the artists made all of the colored paints. Sometimes he wondered about other things. Sometimes he wondered about food. Especially pickles. Pickles were his favorite food that was not a meat. He usually wondered about where he and Lina would go get food once the lecture ended.

Zelgadis was just plain bored. He wanted to be searching for his cure. He didn't care about Manet and Monet. All the pictures looked the same to him. He didn't care about the differences in the Impressionists and Post-Impressionists.

Filia was bored, too. She drank tea to stay awake in class. The only thing that interested her was the brief section on pottery. She sat through that one class with a big smile on her face. Filia only wished that she could own that pottery. It would go in the store she ran when she wasn't in class. Of course, it would be not for sale.

Amelia already knew a lot of the artwork. Seyruun had a large art museum. Not only that, but there were a number of paintings in the palace. She didn't care about art, though. She wanted to learn about useful subjects. Art history was not useful. If she wanted to study art, she would go back home and study it there. But she had to study and do well because if she didn't do well enough, her dad would make her come home. At home, she would have to do all sorts of boring, tedious palace stuff. She didn't like trying to decide what proposals to sign, especially while she was being watched.

Xellos actually had fun in class. Not only did he get a good meal from his miserable classmates, but some of the pictures brought back memories. He remembered how he had tortured some of the artists. He had even killed a few of the artists. That brought back memories. Killing was fun. It was a gourmet meal to him.

Eris could tell the attitudes of her students. She knew that attitudes affected test scores. She also believed in grading on a bell curve.

The final grades were:

Xellos - A

Amelia - B

Zelgadis - C

Filia - C

Lina - D

Gourry - F


End file.
